Before You Break My Heart
by SiderumInCaelo
Summary: Kurt's thoughts during the Stop! In The Name Of Love/Free Your Mind mash up, mostly concerning Karofsky.  Rated T for brief language.  Oneshot.


**A/N**: I was disappointed that Kurt didn't have a more prominent role in the _Stop! In The Name Of Love/Free Your Mind_ mash up. I know it was for the other guys apologizing to Beiste for using her to cool down (which was possibly the most awkward storyline ever on _Glee_, which is really saying something), but the song also fits pretty well with the whole Kurt/Karofsky storyline in the Never Been Kissed episode. So this is what I imagine was going through Kurt's head as they performed the song. Please review!

_Here we go!  
><em>

I don't know why the other boys had chosen this song to do; it was an apology to Coach Beiste, but I wasn't informed as to what the others were apologizing for. Since I apparently hadn't done whatever the other boys had, I'm mostly relegated to singing in the background and letting the others try to connect with Beiste. After all, no one knows just how much this song relates to what I had gone through this week.

_Stop! In the name of love  
>Before you break my heart<br>(Free your mind)  
>Stop! In the name of love<br>Before you break my heart  
><em>

I feel like yelling this at Karofsky. The jock apparently has some kind of feelings for me – though I certainly won't call it love – and I'm afraid that if Karofsky continues to express these feelings in a violent manner, he could very well break something in me.

_I wear tight clothing, high heeled shoes  
>It doesn't mean that I'm a prostitute, no no<br>I like rap music, wear hip hop clothes  
>That doesn't mean that I'm out sellin' dope no no no<em> 

I was tempted to belt out the first two lines along with Artie – I don't know why he got the lines in the first place; I'm the one who wears tight pants on a regular basis. I want Karofsky to hear these words, and to know that my flamboyant appearance is no excuse for him to steal my first kiss, something that should have been special, away from me.

_Before you can read me you gotta  
>Learn how to see me, I said<br>_

I certainly wish Karofsky would see me as a person, and not just as That Gay Kid, The School Fag. But it is obvious he doesn't; after all, he had gone in for a second kiss even though I'm sure my expression was one of pure terror. The fact that he disrespected my feelings like that – although I shouldn't have been surprised, as the slushies and locker slams showed that he doesn't respect me – scares me more than anything he'd done before.

_Stop! In the name of love  
>Before you break my heart<br>(Free your Mind)  
>Stop! In the name of love<br>Before you break my heart  
>Free your mind and the rest will follow<br>Be color blind, don't be so shallow_

I know Karofsky must be hurting; our school is homophobic to the point where I dread attending it, and Karofsky's friends, the jocks, aren't known for their inclusiveness. But if Karofsky would at least be honest with himself about his sexuality, it'd be easier for both of us.

_I've known of your  
>Your secluded nights<br>I've even seen her  
>Maybe once or twice<br>But is her sweet expression  
>Worth more than my love and affection?<em> 

I can just imagine Karofsky hiding out in his room after school, avoiding everyone; I understand pushing people away out of the fear that they'll realize you're gay. And I know that for Karofsky, staying popular and having the school body look up to him is worth more than my feelings. Yes, I know that, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

_Before you can read me you gotta  
>Learn how to see me, I said<br>_  
><em>Stop! In the name of love<br>Before you break my heart  
>(Free your mind)<br>Stop! In the name of love  
>Before you break my heart<br>Free your mind and the rest will follow  
>Be color blind, don't be so shallow<br>Free your mind and the rest will follow  
>Be color blind, don't be so shallow<br>(Don't break my, don't break my heart)  
><em>

I'm not naïve enough to believe that if Karofsky came out, his life would get better. It's obvious Karofsky doesn't enjoy his closeted life, but I seriously doubt that he'd be able to handle most people turning away from him if they found out he was gay. But I do believe that if Karofsky would admit to himself that he's not straight, he'd be happier. And if he could have an interaction with me that didn't involve name calling or physical violence, I'd be willing to talk to him and give him some advice on being gay in Ohio.

_Stop!  
>Stop!<br>In the name of love  
>Free your mind<br>Stop!  
>Free your mind<br>Stop!  
>Free your mind...<em> 

Every time we yell out "Stop," I imagine I'm shouting it at Karofsky. I want him to stop so many things. Stop giving me bruises, stop encouraging homophobia, stop treating me as if I'm less of a person because of my sexual orientation and how I express myself, and stop lying to himself. And, of course, stop making me fear that he'll tear more kisses away from me.

_Before you can read me you gotta  
>Learn how to see me, I said<em>

_Stop! In the name of love  
>Before you break my heart<br>(Free your mind)  
>Stop! In the name of love<br>Before you break my heart  
>Free your mind and the rest will follow<br>Be color blind, don't be so shallow  
>Free your mind and the rest will follow<br>Be color blind, don't be so shallow  
>(Don't break my, don't break my heart)<em>

_Stop! In the name of love  
>Before you break my heart<br>(Free your mind)  
>Stop! In the name of love<br>Before you break my heart_

_Think it over...  
>Free your mind!<br>And the rest will  
>Stop!<em>

I'm sure Karofsky is spending a lot of time thinking over what had happened in the locker room. But I hope, for both our sakes, that he is coming to terms with his sexuality, and not trying to convince himself that it didn't mean anything or that I "seduced" him or something.

As the song ends and the boys all hug Beiste, I find myself wishing that I could tell the others about Karofsky. I can't for so many reasons – my refusal to out anybody, my worry that Karofsky's violence would only escalate if his secret got out, my unwillingness to be viewed as a victim. But my eyes prick with tears as I realize this is just one more thing I'll have to deal with on my own.


End file.
